There’s some part of me
that longs for my heart to be wild
like the heart of a child.
I wanna run through the flowers and trees.
I wanna dance among ladybugs and butterflies.
But instead, I keep to the prescribed path.
Searching for the answer
to where I’m going and who I should be.
The one who calls you is faithful...
So, at least, in one way, I am a “real” artist; I’m terrible with deadlines. I know that I said a project a month but I haven’t been too great at holding up that end. That being said, this is my second project which is called “Faithful”. This painting is more abstract than the last in the sense it has more to do with feeling than with a specific image I had in mind. The colors green and blue mean growth and life to me and the white is Him always pouring that growth and life into us. I love the verse that says that He who began a good work in you will carry it on into completion. A hymn has resonated with me quite strongly recently and so I would like to leave you with these lyrics.
Great is Thy faithfulness, oh God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be.
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon, and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
to Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
So I am a month behind…I kept redoing my painting because I was finding it difficult to get the effect that I wanted. I liked this idea that love is messy. It always has been. For God and for us. Love complicates things. Love costs something. Love is unpredictable. It doesn’t fit into any preset lines or boundaries. That’s what I wanted for my painting and I had all of these ideas of what I wanted it to look like. But after the third try, I realized something. Love doesn’t always look like you imagine it to. In fact, it generally never looks like you expected. So here is my painting. It doesn’t look like I expected and it’s not perfect but I think it represents what I want it to. As silly as it sounds, it’s loosely based off of the idea of the heart that grew 3 sizes at the end of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. As we embrace love, we grow in our ability to receive it and to give it. But it’s a messy process 
I am having problems uploading the song but I’ll figure it out. I wanted to share the painting in the meantime since I am so past my own deadline. Hope you like it!
Okay let me see if I can clearly and efficiently put into words my latest inspiration. A couple of weeks ago, God started speaking to me about getting to know Him. I mean, really getting to know Him, like deeply and intimately because let’s be honest, we all know about who God is but I don’t know if I have ever spent the time trying to simply know Him. I’m not saying that up until this point, I have not sought God out or had an intimate relationship with Him. The opposite actually. But one thing I have to come realize is that generally when I seek to know Him more, it is motivated by something for me. What’s your plan for me, God? How much do you love me, God? I am struggling with this and need your help, God. And on and on. These aren’t bad motivations AT ALL. But I also want to seek Him just to know Him. I don’t get to know people here simply because of what they can do for me so I don’t think I should have that attitude towards God. I want to know who this God is that would lay down everything precious to Him just to love me.
Alright so that was what started this desire to know the I Am. Then, this morning in my quiet time, God brought me back to a note that I had stuck in my Bible from my friend, Megan, about a year ago. She wrote about how God spoke to her of Elijah and how he was zealous for God and had a deep understanding of WHO God is. She wrote that God had compared me to Elijah. At the time it was beautiful but I didn’t know if I agreed. Was I zealous for Him and just didn’t know it…? Unlikely. Did I have a deep understanding of Him? I didn’t feel that way. But I kept it because I knew it was from God and you don’t ever throw that stuff away even if it doesn’t make sense at the time because of moments like now! Seeing it this morning I realize that God isn’t saying I am like Elijah; He is calling me to be like Elijah. To seek to know Him and to be zealous for Him. So I decided to pray about certain attributes that I know God contains and ask which ones He would like me to study and pray about and to seek out. That’s when an art project hit and hence why I am blogging about all of this. Ready??
For each attribute, I am going to create a painting, a poem, a song and who knows what else if inspiration strikes The point is that I am going to post them on the blog as I complete them. I still haven’t worked out the details but I am going to step out and begin and let the details work out as I go. The first attribute I am going to focus on is Love. Sounds obvious but I bet huge revelation will come with this once because I always think I understand something before I actually do…My goal is to have Love completed by the end of the month and to have the end products posted by the beginning of October. Please help keep me accountable to this! I am setting deadlines because I need them I am soooo excited for this project and what He’s going to reveal in this journey!
Erika, my former school director’s wife, invited all the girls over a couple of weeks ago to make homemade journals. This is the journal that I made and boy, am I proud of it! I mean, I love reading and I love books. In fact, I am only a fan of the Kindle because it allows me to take a library anywhere but if I have a choice, I will ALWAYS choose a paper book over electronic. Anyways, my love for books has extended over my life but who knew I could make them?!
I think one of my hesitations to be an “artist” is because I see what other people do and can’t duplicate it. But this journal really helped me figure out what art I like to make. I like color and I like mixed mediums and I like structure to it. I’m not so great at many different styles of art but I am beginning to like what I make.
The 2nd to last week of the school we had a worship art gallery. Instead of preparing music, we all made a piece of art that we felt communicated something that God had put on our hearts. Here is mine:
The message that I posted below the art in the description was this: When we were kids, we believed anything was possible, like that balloons could make us fly. But something has stolen that from us and now there are things that cause us to look down. Freedom means restoration of that child-like faith. The title was How We Used to Fly and Not Look Down.
It was really fun to make. I got this huge piece of plywood and painted it. I created the skyline out of wax paper and melted crayon. I also made the girl out of melted bits of crayon. The balloons are real and signify the hope of dreams that God wants to give us. The realities of life really do pull us down and I feel that was never what God wanted.
Anyways, the SOW is officially over but I will post about that in a few days. I can’t wait to see what’s next!!
I wrote a haiku to go with this painting:
Where this path leads,
I don’t know but the flowers
sure are beautiful.
We finished up the super creative week where I had my create epiphany and this week we have been prepping for recording. It has been so amazing! Not only am I witness to the coming together of these works of art that people have been producing but it’s a collaborative effort! We are all taking turns inspiring each other. It’s crazy awesome! We start recording for the CD tomorrow and I can’t believe it’s already that time. I have been SO blessed to be here in this school with these people. I honestly couldn’t ask for better peers or for better staff…I just can’t get over how blessed I am!
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Today something cool happened. You know when you need to hear something like a million times before you finally get it?? Well, I don’t love that this seems to be a pattern in my life but for me sometimes, it’s not until the 1,000,001th time of hearing something that the lightbulb goes off. Perhaps I am exaggerating a bit but not a lot…I seem to be a little thickheaded but I digress.
I have been at this School of Worship now for 2 months and we have been creating all sorts of things: music, poems, art, etc. But I have never felt like an artist. Ever. And every time I would say that, the other students and staff would call me out. Why don’t I think that I am an artist? All an artist does is create and we all have that ability. What disqualifies me? And then it hit me. FEAR. I don’t create because I am afraid. Period. What if it doesn’t turn out the the way I pictured? What if people don’t like it? God forbid someone criticize it. I mean, seriously. Is that what I have let hold me back so long? Well, I’m not holding back anymore.
One of our staff, Kevin, has been super inspiring for me. Over the last two months, we’ve become good friends and he loves to create and thus, I get to be witness to and inspired by him. He posts his creations to his blog and I’m stealing that idea. (Sorry, Kevin.) I mean, imitation is the highest form of flattery, right?! I want to create and I want to share. Vulnerability isn’t so scary once I realized that it’s only when I’m vulnerable that I really feel like me. I honestly feel like I’m on a high right now. Inspiration is a sweet drug.
Our teacher this week, China, read from a Madeleine L’Engle book today and this quote really stood out to me. “The artist is a servant who is willing to be a birth giver.” I hope this inspires you to give birth to something. The picture I posted doesn’t compare to Monet and won’t be selling for millions of dollars but it’s unique. It’s a one-of-a-kind. It’s something that I did. It’s me. And that I won’t compare to Monet because I’m not him but he wasn’t me. Don’t compare. Just create. And as you birth something, it will birth new life in you. I promise.
My band!
I can’t believe it but it’s already week 6! I’m halfway through this school and the time is just flying. I’ve now written 4 songs and my band is leading worship at the base on May 23rd. It’s crazy all the stuff that has been happening. I’m gonna try and summarize the last 6 weeks…Key word being “try”. It’s just so hard to describe.
Week 2: Our speaker was Mary Jean Powers and she talked about being in the Word. She talked about how being in the Word shouldn’t be reading about God, but rather it should be part of our relationship with Him. I also got to hear Bill Johnson from Bethel Church speak and he was soooo incredible!
Week 3: We had Caleb and Erin Paxton share their journey of songwriting and it was INCREDIBLE! It stimulated sooo much creativity. I’m still not 100% how good of a songwriter I am or can be but they definitely helped me stretch my creativity muscles.
Week 4: We had a really interesting week spent on the Tabernacle of Moses and the Tabernacle of David. We learned so much about the Old Testament and how worship happened then. There is so much significance in the information in the Old Testament that I just never knew. It has definitely effected how I worship!
Week 5: This was another incredible week! This one in particular is hard to describe because it was so spirit led. It was a really powerful week that we talked about prophetic worship and how God uses it to speak to us. It’s something that I have not experienced a lot in the churches I have gone to but it is really powerful!
Week 6: We just finished a week with a Pastor Duff Rowden who spoke about authority in worship. He had a lot of wisdom and I especially liked his talk on spiritual thirst. He talked about how fear, doubt, anger, envy, etc., are a symptom of our spirit needing more of God just like our bodies tell us we need water by being thirsty…I don’t know if that made any sense but it totally struck home for me.
I’m going to try and record one of my songs in the next week so I can post it for you to listen to if you want. I hope everyone is doing well! Thanks for all of your prayer and support!!
Well I made it to Denver. In fact, I have been here almost 2 weeks now. My plane landed on April 4th, 2011 and my School of Worship began. It feels a little crazy to be back in the States for an extended period of time but I definitely like the convenience of our neighborhood Safeway. For example, if I have a craving at 9 pm, I can actually satisfy it. This is a new phenomenon for me!
Denver is pretty fantastic. There is definitely some transition stuff and it has been a little hard to go from the intimacy of Belize to the newness of Denver. I think the hardest part has been to go from having such close friends–practically family–in Belize to just knowing no one here really. I like everyone I’ve met here but it takes time to build up relationship and I think it was just a shock to my senses to be without the closeness that I have had with all the amazing people at DP.
But the transition isn’t too bad. Like I said, everyone here is great. The School of Worship is full of lively, energetic people and it’s a ton of fun just to spend time together. We’re also having a Multicultural DTS right now and there are a bunch of Korean students so I’m learning Korean which is fun. I am so grateful to God for bringing me here. I am still not sure what His plans are for after or even why He wanted me to do this school but I am thankful for it.
This last week, we had our first speaker and she just hit the ground running. I mean, no fluff. This teacher was in your face about the Word and it was convicting. I really enjoyed all of her teaching. I think I will still be processing it for the next 10 weeks. There was just so much good stuff!! This week, we’re having teaching on songwriting. Speaking of songwriting, I wrote one!! Exciting, right?! Didn’t know if I could but God and I got to create something together. I mean, it’s super simple but I like that we did it together. We present it to our class on Wednesday so keep me in your prayers that I don’t freak out
Another prayer request I have is for health. For the last few days, I’ve been feeling pretty sick to my stomach. Since Friday, I haven’t really eaten a whole meal. I’ve eaten a little bit here and a little bit there but the idea of food just nauseates me. I’m not really sure what’s going on with that…so prayer would be lovely. Thanks!
I am going to try to be a lot better with updates and such now that I haven consistent internet. I appreciate all your support and prayer and I will let you know as my adventures develop!!
