A Journey Through Flowers

I wrote a haiku to go with this painting:

Where this path leads,

I don’t know but the flowers

sure are beautiful.

We finished up the super creative week where I had my create epiphany and this week we have been prepping for recording. It has been so amazing! Not only am I witness to the coming together of these works of art that people have been producing but it’s a collaborative effort! We are all taking turns inspiring each other. It’s crazy awesome! We start recording for the CD tomorrow and I can’t believe it’s already that time. I have been SO blessed to be here in this school with these people. I honestly couldn’t ask for better peers or for better staff…I just can’t get over how blessed I am!

Create

. 

Today something cool happened. You know when you need to hear something like a million times before you finally get it?? Well, I don’t love that this seems to be a pattern in my life but for me sometimes, it’s not until the 1,000,001th time of hearing something that the lightbulb goes off. Perhaps I am exaggerating a bit but not a lot…I seem to be a little thickheaded but I digress.

I have been at this School of Worship now for 2 months and we have been creating all sorts of things: music, poems, art, etc. But I have never felt like an artist. Ever. And every time I would say that, the other students and staff would call me out. Why don’t I think that I am an artist? All an artist does is create and we all have that ability. What disqualifies me? And then it hit me. FEAR. I don’t create because I am afraid. Period. What if it doesn’t turn out the the way I pictured? What if people don’t like it? God forbid someone criticize it. I mean, seriously. Is that what I have let hold me back so long? Well, I’m not holding back anymore.

One of our staff, Kevin, has been super inspiring for me. Over the last two months, we’ve become good friends and he loves to create and thus, I get to be witness to and inspired by him. He posts his creations to his blog and I’m stealing that idea. (Sorry, Kevin.) I mean, imitation is the highest form of flattery, right?! I want to create and I want to share. Vulnerability isn’t so scary once I realized that it’s only when I’m vulnerable that I really feel like me. I honestly feel like I’m on a high right now. Inspiration is a sweet drug.

Our teacher this week, China, read from a Madeleine L’Engle book today and this quote really stood out to me. “The artist is a servant who is willing to be a birth giver.” I hope this inspires you to give birth to something. The picture I posted doesn’t compare to Monet and won’t be selling for millions of dollars but it’s unique. It’s a one-of-a-kind. It’s something that I did. It’s me. And that I won’t compare to Monet because I’m not him but he wasn’t me. Don’t compare. Just create. And as you birth something, it will birth new life in you. I promise.

Further Up, Further In

My band!

I can’t believe it but it’s already week 6! I’m halfway through this school and the time is just flying. I’ve now written 4 songs and my band is leading worship at the base on May 23rd. It’s crazy all the stuff that has been happening. I’m gonna try and summarize the last 6 weeks…Key word being “try”. It’s just so hard to describe.

Week 2: Our speaker was Mary Jean Powers and she talked about being in the Word. She talked about how being in the Word shouldn’t be reading about God, but rather it should be part of our relationship with Him. I also got to hear Bill Johnson from Bethel Church speak and he was soooo incredible!

Week 3: We had Caleb and Erin Paxton share their journey of songwriting and it was INCREDIBLE! It stimulated sooo much creativity. I’m still not 100% how good of a songwriter I am or can be but they definitely helped me stretch my creativity muscles.

Week 4: We had a really interesting week spent on the Tabernacle of Moses and the Tabernacle of David. We learned so much about the Old Testament and how worship happened then. There is so much significance in the information in the Old Testament that I just never knew. It has definitely effected how I worship!

Week 5: This was another incredible week! This one in particular is hard to describe because it was so spirit led. It was a really powerful week that we talked about prophetic worship and how God uses it to speak to us. It’s something that I have not experienced a lot in the churches I have gone to but it is really powerful!

Week 6: We just finished a week with a Pastor Duff Rowden who spoke about authority in worship. He had a lot of wisdom and I especially liked his talk on spiritual thirst. He talked about how fear, doubt, anger, envy, etc., are a symptom of our spirit needing more of God just like our bodies tell us we need water by being thirsty…I don’t know if that made any sense but it totally struck home for me.

I’m going to try and record one of my songs in the next week so I can post it for you to listen to if you want. I hope everyone is doing well! Thanks for all of your prayer and support!!

Music a Mile High

Well I made it to Denver. In fact, I have been here almost 2 weeks now. My plane landed on April 4th, 2011 and my School of Worship began. It feels a little crazy to be back in the States for an extended period of time but I definitely like the convenience of our neighborhood Safeway. For example, if I have a craving at 9 pm, I can actually satisfy it. This is a new phenomenon for me!

Denver is pretty fantastic. There is definitely some transition stuff and it has been a little hard to go from the intimacy of Belize to the newness of Denver. I think the hardest part has been to go from having such close friends–practically family–in Belize to just knowing no one here really. I like everyone I’ve met here but it takes time to build up relationship and I think it was just a shock to my senses to be without the closeness that I have had with all the amazing people at DP.

But the transition isn’t too bad. Like I said, everyone here is great. The School of Worship is full of lively, energetic people and it’s a ton of fun just to spend time together. We’re also having a Multicultural DTS right now and there are a bunch of Korean students so I’m learning Korean which is fun. I am so grateful to God for bringing me here. I am still not sure what His plans are for after or even why He wanted me to do this school but I am thankful for it.

This last week, we had our first speaker and she just hit the ground running. I mean, no fluff. This teacher was in your face about the Word and it was convicting. I really enjoyed all of her teaching. I think I will still be processing it for the next 10 weeks. There was just so much good stuff!! This week, we’re having teaching on songwriting. Speaking of songwriting, I wrote one!! Exciting, right?! Didn’t know if I could but God and I got to create something together. I mean, it’s super simple but I like that we did it together. We present it to our class on Wednesday so keep me in your prayers that I don’t freak out

Another prayer request I have is for health. For the last few days, I’ve been feeling pretty sick to my stomach. Since Friday, I haven’t really eaten a whole meal. I’ve eaten a little bit here and a little bit there but the idea of food just nauseates me. I’m not really sure what’s going on with that…so prayer would be lovely. Thanks!

I am going to try to be a lot better with updates and such now that I haven consistent internet. I appreciate all your support and prayer and I will let you know as my adventures develop!!

“I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list.” Susan Sontag

I’m leaving on a jet plane…

Don’t know when I’ll be back again…

So I arrived back in California from Belize last Wednesday and my flight to Denver, CO is early tomorrow morning. It’s strange to be transitioning again. Lately, I feel like change comes in waves, about every 3 months as we receive new students in Belize. But this time, I am the one changing my location and my every day routine.

For those of you that don’t know, tomorrow the School of Worship begins at the YWAM base in Denver, CO. I am soooo excited to see what God is planning to do there. I’m not really sure what it will look like but that makes it a little more exciting, I think…

Please be keeping me and this school in your prayers

John Murphy and Relationships

So this past week, we had the wonderful opportunity to have John Murphy from YWAM Denver come and speak about relationships. His topic and teaching have been so impactful for me, starting on my DTS but also since. If I had to sum up his teachings in one or two sentences, this would be it.

God wants to build His church through relationships.

God wants us to do life with Him, not just for Him.

One of the main things he talks about is servanthood vs. sonship. He says the main difference between them is ownership. There are many verses in the Bible that talk about us as God’s sons and daughters. A couple of examples are Ephesians 1:4-5 and Romans 8:15. We need to step into our roles as His children and live like it. Here are some of the differences he points out:

Son

*has authority; heir to something

*everything Jesus has, he gives to us

*builds the house (If you’re the builder, you’re gonna care about all the details)

*does whatever it takes to get the job done

*family oriented: understands the Father’s heart

and is interested in the Father’s work (John 4:34)

Servant

*no authority; just working to work

*doesn’t build the house; simply lives in it

*never initiates

*issue oriented; bails when tough

This list just always convicts me. Am I living like a daughter or a servant? It’s a good question to ask myself each day…Hope this blesses you!

I Don’t Know

There are a few phrases in English that I think make us uncomfortable or fear what is next. “Are you sitting down?” “Don’t take this the wrong way but…” “We really need to talk.” None of these phrases really lead us to be excited about what is going to follow. Instead, we usually are apprehensive or nervous. But I think there is one phrase that scares the speaker as much as the hearer:

I. Don’t. Know.

From the speaker’s perspective, this phrase is terrifying. It means that we are in the dark about something. It means uncertainty. It means lack or loss of control. It means we’re not as independent as we had hoped. We feel stupid. For the listener, it means something very similar. If someone is asking a question, they clearly don’t know the answer themselves. So now, not only do they not know but the other person doesn’t either. The uncertainty just escalated. The feeling of the loss of control just became stronger. No one likes saying this phrase. No one likes hearing it. No one likes this phrase.

Except God. God loves it when we say “I don’t know” because it acknowledges our need for him. It humbles us. It teaches us that while we don’t have it all figured out, there is someone who does and he’s on our side. For the last year and a half, God has been teaching me what it means to say “I don’t know”.

“Anya, what are you going to be doing in Belize?” “I don’t know, but God does.”

“Anya, how long are you going to be with Destination Paradise?” “I don’t know, but God does.”

“Anya, where is the money going to come from for this School of Worship in April?” “I don’t know, but God does.”

I don’t know. A lot. And while it can be scary to admit that, at the same time, it’s freeing. I don’t have to know because I am intimate with the One who does. I feel lighter. I love this verse in Proverbs,

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path.” Proverbs 3:5-6

Let that verse bring you comfort and freedom. There are things you don’t know? Great. Go talk to the One who does.

January 14th, 2011

Okay so I know that’s a lame title but I couldn’t think of anything creative…

Our January school started on Tuesday and it’s so great to see that God is calling so many young people to missions. I always say that your mission field can be wherever you are but it’s inspiring to see so many 18 and 19 year olds wanting to be better equipped for whatever ministry God wants to use them for in the future. So often, when it comes to God, I figure that if He wants me to do something, He’ll just make me good at it but slowly I am figuring out it doesn’t work that way. He guides us in a direction but it takes initiative on our part for improvement in certain areas so we can be effective to that which He has called us. DTS is a part of that and I am so blessed to be a part of this group of students’ DTS’.

Personally, things are pretty much the same. I am still working with the DTS students and doing homeschool for the children of the directors of our base. Sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed but God is equipping me in this season and teaching me so much through it. The school of worship in Denver is coming up in April and I am almost finished with the application. I am soooo excited for that next season even though I am also a little nervous. Learning how to lead worship…? Does that mean I have to sing in front of groups of people…? I know God will use it to grow me IMMENSELY and I am really excited about that.

I was blessed to go home for Christmas and see family and friends. It was really refreshing to be able to connect up with people that I haven’t seen in a while. And, of course, being home this year to celebrate Christmas was incredible. I have been so blessed with wonderful family and friends!

Bonne annee!!

There is something about New Years that I just love. Yes, often times the parties are a tad disappointing and the countdown, ant-climactic. But I still love it. I think it’s the idea of a fresh start. Everyone gets one. I know that resolutions are usually made and then 3 days later, broken, but still, there is an opportunity. There is an opportunity to make a change. As scary it is, change is important. There is a saying that goes like this — If you do what you’ve always done, expect to get what you’ve always gotten. I know there are areas in my life where I don’t want to get what I’ve always gotten so change is necessary. Of course, that change can come at any time in the year but my linear mind likes New Years as a platform for that change. A fresh start. I like it.

Traveling is ALWAYS an adventure

Even when all you want to do is get somewhere. I left the base in San Pedro yesterday morning at 6:30. After a 2 hour boat ride, Mexican customs, a 6 hour bus ride and a 10 minute walk, I ended up safely at my hostel in Cancun. Man, hostels are an interesting thing aren’t they! Everyone was so friendly and just talking to get to hear everyone’s story of how they got there and what they were doing. While it was a bit exhausting after that long day of travel, it was a bit refreshing. Usually when I fly, I sit quietly in the airport and then I sit quietly on the plane. I’m not much for small talk so I don’t usually talk to my neighbor unless they talk to me first.

Right now I’m sitting at a table downstairs, eating papaya, yogurt and granola, and talking to a girl from D.C. Hostels are a really interesting concept and someone pointed out something last night. They haven’t really become popular in the U.S. I mean, they’re all over Europe and Central and South America, but the ones we have are only in the huge cities and are usually still pretty pricey. I mean, we definitely have some but it’s not the thing to do when you travel in the States. I think there should be more personally. It makes life interesting.

Yesterday was such an adventure. I didn’t know my bus stopped anywhere else than Cancun and I got off at the wrong place. Barely made it back on before it left. I could have ended up in Playa…Then I got lost going to my hostel because I can’t read a map and then I got bumped up to the penthouse with one other person because they were so full. We didn’t eat dinner until 9:30(and I hadn’t eaten since 6:30 am) and a bunch of the people here were going to a foam party and I was invited. I was exhausted and went to bed because being fully clothed and sprayed with soap doesn’t exactly scream fun to me. But it was a fun group to eat dinner with.

My flight is today at 12 and I’ll be back in California for the Christmas season! Yay!!